1- You talk about sports…a lot. I’m sorry, I just fell asleep in my Miso.
2- You like to correct people. Chances are, you’re a tool with a mild social disorder.
3- You have an overblown understanding of your physical appearance. You probably think this post is about you.***
4- You started dating one of my friends…and made her lame, too. With that said, I hope you’re always uneasy with the knowledge of my existence/propensity to encourage female independence. Booyah.
5- You fake a southern accent. I don’t know why, but people actually do this…and it boils my blood. You’ve got to earn those stripes, sugar.
***Don’t you, don’t you?