1- It’s Saturday night and I’m within 200 feet of a computer.
2- I refer to men I like/date by their actual name…ya know, instead of “quicksilver store guy,” “the scotsman,” or most embarrassingly, “ace with the tattoos.”
3- At this very moment, I have no inexplicable body injuries–no weird waffle shaped bruises, no twisted ankles…and no skinned knees, mom!
4- I spend more money on food than drinks. When did this start happening?!
5- I wake up before noon on weekends…EVEN WHEN I DON’T HAVE TO!!! Can’t say I ever saw this one coming, folks.