Top 5 Things I Don’t Give a Sh*% About

1- How many stick-figure kids you have, miles you’ve ran, or political quips you love, as displayed on the back window of your car. No one cares. And don’t even get me started on the “memorial” trend.

2- Photos of your food on Facebook. There is nothing (nothing!) I scroll through faster than photos of meals. Granted, I have been guilty of this a time or two myself, but it was for truly momentous occasions. Like the first (and only) gourmet meal I ever cooked…and a dessert named after nuns in France. Otherwise, eat it don’t tweet it.

3- Potty-training updates. Laugh as you will, but you would be surprised at how often I see DETAILED descriptions of this crap (pun intended) on my newsfeed. It’s gross and again…no one cares.

4- Dilation. As in of the vagina. People actually post this stuff!! Either they are unaware that when they say someone is “x inches dilated” they are referring to that person’s cervix stretching out to push through a human baby…or they just don’t care. Either way, I am never forcing that mental picture on anyone–although maybe I’ll start posting about Kegels to retaliate.

5- Any trite, cliché, uninspired, narrow-minded or just plain dumb “share” on Facebook. Generally passed along by older family members or friends of your parents, these photos/comics are responsible for 99% of my “unfollows.”

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